By accident people took me to heaven….
I have heard about one person certainly, a man from Munich, Germany. He was a porter at the station, and by some mistake, angels carried him to heaven. He tried many times, "You must be mistaken, I am just a porter, I am not a saint; why are you dragging me towards heaven? This is my time to go to the pub, and I tell you frankly, I am a sinner, just don't harass me." But they went on with their trumpets and their harps, and nobody listened to the poor porter. He said, "This is strange." And then he was presented to the chief of the angels, and he was given a harp, and he said, "What? What I am supposed to do?"
He said, "There is nothing to be done, you just sit on any cloud, and play the harp."
He said, "I am a porter, I have never played on any instrument."
They said, "Don't be worried, in the beginning every saint says so."
He said, "But I am not a saint! And I am concerned that pub may be closed! In all this nonsense, do you think me an idiot, sitting on a cloud, playing on the harp, when it is time to go to the pub?"
But they told him "You will have to behave, because soon God will be coming here. He always comes when new arrivals enter into paradise.
He said, "My God, so it means tonight I cannot go to the pub?"
They said, "You stop talking about the pub."
So he had to sit on a cloud. He felt very embarrassed, that this was not a place to sit; but he saw angels and saints were sitting on all the clouds and playing on their harps, "Hallelujah, hallelujah." He has never done any such thing. But then he heard God is coming, so he started doing anything that he managed to do and shouting loudly, "Hallelujah, hallelujah." But again and again he remembered the pub.
God was sitting on his golden throne, on a big white cloud. Just silently the porter was saying in between, "You son of a bitch, hallelujah, hallelujah."
He thought that God would not hear what he was saying very silently, but God heard it. He asked the other angels, "Why are you torturing that porter? It is an accident, he is not supposed to be here, and he is very unhappy, just look at his face. He is saying, `Hallelujah, hallelujah,' but inside he is saying something else that only I can hear! Just send him back, let him go to his pub."
So he was thrown back to the earth. Although he fell with a thump on the ground he said, "At least there is still time!
All those idiots sitting on the clouds, look like clowns, and for eternity you have just to play on your harp, and go on singing, `Hallelujah, hallelujah.'"
He got up and went into the pub and the people said, "You are very late."
He said, "I got into such trouble. By accident people took me to heaven. It was just my old habit of telling people `You son of a bitch' that helped me. When God heard it, he thought it was better to send this man away; otherwise he will corrupt the other saints."