Four stages of Sexuality……
UNTIL NOW I HAVE NOT HAD MANY SEXUAL EXPERIENCES, BUT LATELY I HAVE FELT TO BECOME MORE SEXUALLY ACTIVE. I SEEM TO AVOID HETEROSEXUAL MEN, AND DESIRE THOSE WHO ARE HOMOSEXUAL.
I AM NOT CLEAR IF I AM RUNNING AWAY FROM SEX OUT OF FEAR, OR TOWARDS PEOPLE I REALLY LIKE AND NEED. WOULD YOU PLEASE SHED SOME LIGHT ON THIS?
It is possible that avoiding sex for a long time and now getting interested in it you will have to go slowly towards it.
To be attracted to homosexuals is a step. Finally you will be attracted to the heterosexuals. The homosexual is half way. Nothing is wrong in it. It is good to go gradually, mature gradually.
And it is also possible the homosexual person may be a person that you like, you love, that he deserves your love. His homosexuality may be a secondary thing. If it is a secondary thing, then perhaps you can stay with the homosexual person long enough, but if it is only a passing phase then moving from no sexuality or very little sexuality towards a heterosexual man, a direct jump, will be too much and can be dangerous. It may throw you back into your avoidance.
It is perfectly good that you are loving a homosexual. If he is a worthy person to be loved, that is even better; otherwise even his homosexuality is going to help you tremendously to reach to the heterosexual person.
These are the four stages: the auto-sexual person avoids sexuality. He wants to contain his sexuality within himself, he is a kind of miser, and such people suffer from constipation. It is now a well-established psychological fact. There is not a medical way to help them get rid of constipation, as their constipation has no cause in the body; their constipation has cause in their mind.
You should be reminded that the sexual center is in the mind, not in the genitals. And strangely enough, by the way, the sexual center and the food center are very close — too close. So a person who stops his sexuality starts eating too much. The energy of the sexual center starts overflowing onto the next center, that is food. He becomes a food addict; he looks at food the way a lover looks at a beloved.
The second stage is homosexuality. It is a little better than being auto-sexual, confined to yourself — now at least you are connecting with your same sex. But there is a confinement still — although it is a bigger confinement — man to man, woman to woman.
The third stage is heterosexual, which is the maturity of sex — when you go beyond your femaleness or your maleness, where you transcend your class and move to the opposite. And because the tension between the opposite is great, love blossoms on a grander scale. Between two homosexuals, love is — but there is no tension in it. It is not without any reason that homosexuals are called gay people, because there is no tension, there is no fight; they are always smiling, always looking happy. The happiness is shallow.
The heterosexuals are in a conflict, and in love. They laugh deeply, they weep deeply, they fight deeply, they feel for each other deeply; everything is deep because of the tension. They are known as intimate enemies. The intimacy is deep, the enmity is also deep.
The fourth state is asexual, when you are fed up and you have seen all that sex can provide — its misery, its pleasure, its fights, its friendship — and slowly, slowly you see the routine, the same wheel moving. To change that boredom of the same wheel moving you may change partners; that gives you a little energy for a few days more, but again the boredom comes back.
Once you are utterly bored with sex then the fourth stage is asexual. For the first time you are completely free. The first stage was very much confined to yourself; the second stage was confined to your class — man to man, woman to woman. The third was better, but still it was confined — man to woman, the same species. The fourth stage is completely free from sex: you have known it, you have understood it. Its work is finished. It is no longer a burden on you, no longer a desire on you, no more a tension. You feel light, and for the first time you can enjoy being alone.
To me this is true celibacy, not a practiced celibacy. It is through the experience of all the stages that you come to true celibacy, and the true celibacy has to be understood: it is not anti-sexual, it is only asexual. It has no antagonism, no anti-attitudes. In the fourth stage you can have sex as fun, just a biological game.
So it is not that you have to drop sex; you can drop… you can either drop it or you can keep it. But it has lost all the old meaning and all the old implications, all the old bondage, all old fights, jealousies — all that is lost. If it drops, it drops; if it continues, then it is just casual friendship, with no strings attached to it, with no conditions attached to it.
from : Beyond Psychology