Love never enforces anything on anyone. Love never tries to dominate, to dictate….OSHO
Indians are sometimes too much of the heart…
that statement is wrong. One can never be too much of the heart; that is existentially impossible.
The heart and its qualities are such that you can always have more of them. And there is no limit — not even the sky is the limit.
But I understand your problem. You are saying that you are finding it difficult in certain moments, the people of the East are much too loving; you cannot say no to them and you cannot say yes either.
I am reminded of when I came to Bombay for the first time, I was invited for lunch… I was new, and the people who had invited me here were new. None of us knew each other.
The man had come to Bombay just two or three days before. He is one of the most beautiful men I have met in my life. Along with me, he had invited at least twenty more people. It was beautiful food, but the way they were forcing everybody to eat was just unimaginable. They were three brothers; two of the brothers would hold the person, and the third one would force him — "One laddu more."
And the person would be trying to say, "I will die! Leave me!"
They would say, "Just one…" And this was something unending.
Even the women of the house were helping. People were trying to run out of the room and the women were standing in the doorway.
I asked the man, "Your love is good, and your sweets are good, but there is a limit. That man is saying he will die — and you are not concerned about his death, you are concerned about forcing more food on him."
What he said to me I have not forgotten. He said, "If we don't do this, my father's soul will be very unhappy."
I said, "My God! Is your father's soul also present here?"
He said, "No, that is not the question. This is our heritage. In my father's day, this was the routine: unless the guest starts fighting and beating you, don't leave him alone. Things have to come to that end."
I said, "Listen, don't do this thing to me — because I cannot beat you, and neither do I want to fight."
They said, "But our father's soul…"
I said, "You are idiots! Your father's soul must have been born again by now. When did your father die?"
They said, "It must be twenty years."
I said, "He must be in a college somewhere studying. Forget about him, he has nothing to do with it."
He said, "If you say so… But we will feel very guilty."
I said, "If you force anything on me, I am not going to come to Bombay again."
With tears in his eyes, he took hold of my legs. He said, "That's perfectly good. I will not force you. Just one laddu, no fight, but please continue to come. And promise me that at least whenever you come… one lunch at my house, and we will never force you. Just have one more laddu."
I said, "But you are forcing me! This is another strategy — tears, holding my leg; it is no different from holding my neck. It is even worse, because I feel that although it will create trouble for me — you have forced so many sweets on me — looking at your tears…"
He said, "What can I do? Just thinking of my father's soul…"
I said, "Drop your father's soul! Do you promise me that if I take this laddu you will not ask anything?"
He said, "I absolutely promise."
But I was not aware of the strategy. It was one brother's promise — they were three brothers, with three wives….
I said, "My God, it seems soon my soul is going to meet your father's soul! If you have any message, I will deliver it to him. And I will never come again."
And they were all sitting on the floor, holding my leg — "You have to come."
Love is one thing… this is not love.
Because love would take care of me, see that I don't fall sick. They are taking care of their father's soul, they are not concerned with me.
So I can understand your question, that sometimes their love is too much, their heart is too much. You cannot say no and you cannot say yes either.
But you have to be very clear with the people in the East. Accept their love, be grateful for their love, but when it goes against your reason, "no" is not something that cannot be said. It is not necessarily against love. You are simply protecting yourself, and you have the right to protect yourself. And if you cannot say yes, don't say yes.
And remember: what they are doing is not love, but some formality, some tradition, some convention. This is not part of love. They are fulfilling their own traditional, conventional, orthodox views.
If it were love then food would not be forced; then the guest would be served and allowed to eat whatever he feels like eating, and however much he wants to eat. Love will give that freedom.
It is not heart. The dividing line is very fine — that's why you cannot understand how to say no. He is so loving that it seems better to suffer a little, but not to say no. But this is not his love.
Love never enforces anything on anyone.
Love never tries to dominate, to dictate.