Once something is seen with clarity, steps can be taken — they are not difficult …osho
A sannyasin says: I'm questioning my relationship… I'm receiving a lot of violence… very unloving…. I can't find my centre.
So the problem is finding the centre or the relationship? — because these are two different things. One can find the centre without any relationship. So what exactly is the problem? Do you want to find your centre or do you want to make this relationship work?
[She replies: The relationship is very important to me and I think I've become very attached.]
Then from where does the problem arise? If it is as important as you say, then you have to sacrifice for that important thing. We go on saying something is important and we never sacrifice anything for it.
Then it is meaningless — saying so is not relevant. If you think it is important, then sacrifice, because we have to pay for everything! If you think it is something beautiful that has to be protected, helped, you will have to drop a few things which come as a hindrance: jealousy, indifference, conflict, anger. One has to choose!
If you are in love with your indifference, sadness, unhappiness, closedness, drop the relationship and love these things. Or if one is in love with the relationship, in love with love, then one is ready to drop every thing — then it doesn't matter.
So when you say 'important', mean it too… otherwise we go on using words without any significance. The words in themselves are insignificant. The significance is not in the words — it is in us; we use the words. If we put significance into it, it is there. Then an ordinary word can become tremendously luminous… an ordinary sign can have a significance. Otherwise even a very beautiful word just becomes ugly.
If you feel this relationship is something important, sacrifice and make a conscious decision about it; then you will not be a mess. You are in a mess because you are being pulled in different directions, and you go on allowing those different directions. One has to choose and one has to be very certain. One cannot have both the things together.
For example, people cannot have jealousy and love together; you cannot have both together. If you want to protect jealousy, love will disappear. If you want to protect love, jealousy has to disappear. Love and ego cannot exist together.
These are the problems to be understood — once understood there is nothing of a complexity in them. Once you see clear-cut-ly, distinctly, that the ego will not allow you to love…. You go on talking about relationship, but how can the ego relate? The ego cannot relate — the ego separates. With the ego there is no marriage. It isolates, it alienates… it throws you away from people… it makes you like an island.
There is no relationship with the ego. Relationship is possible only when the ego has been dropped — then you can relate, commune.
So first just watch. Mm? there is no hurry to choose. Because you may not choose this love. I'm not saying to choose it — I'm saying that if you really are in love with your love, you have to choose. You may not be really — you may be just saying for saying's sake. You may be just using a cliche. You may have said that it is very important, just to impress me, or to impress the people who are around here; or you may not have used the word with any consciousness at all.
So first watch it: if you are really in love and you think it is important, be ready to sacrifice. And I'm not asking you to sacrifice any beautiful thing. Jealousy, sadness, closedness, possessiveness — these are not very beautiful things that one should be afraid to sacrifice… but people are afraid to sacrifice these things! They are ready to sacrifice happiness very easily, they are ready to sacrifice even love — but they are not ready to sacrifice their ego. They are ready to sacrifice joy, delight — anything — but not jealousy; they cling with these diseases.
So for three, four days, meditate over it very quietly. And don't go with a prejudice that you have to do this — nothing! For three days you simply meditate to have a clear perspective as to what the case is. And be very very impartial. Mm? don't try to deceive yourself. Just be impartial… to see clearly.
Once something is seen with clarity, steps can be taken — they are not difficult. In fact the most difficult thing is the clarity. And people never bother about clarity — they are immediately interested in doing something. Doing is not the point — be clear. Doing comes out of clarity, out of understanding. So for three days simply meditate on the whole situation.
First, see what is the case, what is happening, why that which you want to happen is not happening, what the hindrances are. Just have the whole perspective, and after three days write a letter to me. Be very clear.
This won't do — this saying that you are in a mess. Sometimes this is a trick. You don't want to sort it out — you want to remain in a mess so that the whole thing remains as it is and there is no problem of decision, of change, of moving in a new direction. People go on as if something will happen and things will settle.
They think 'tomorrow' — as if just time will do. You will still be yourself. Tomorrow things will become even more complicated, because you will have lived twenty-four hours more and in those twenty-four hours you will have created more mess — so don't wait for tomorrow. Whatsoever is to be done, look into it immediately. And time can do nothing if you are not going to do anything. Time itself has no creativity in it. One has to take one's life into one's own hands.
So for three days just see, try to see what the situation is. And many times you will come across certain things which you would not like to see in yourself — still see them.
For example, you may come to see that you don't really love — so don't hide it, because it is not a question of hiding! You have to be completely clear about the picture of your own being. If you don't love, you don't love. Then it has to be reckoned with. Note down that you don't love. It hurts and the very idea that you don't love hurts… but this is my understanding — that rarely, out of one hundred people, do one or two persons love. Ninety-eight think they love and suffer! Their suffering is fictitious — in the first place they don't love!
Those two persons who love, their suffering is not suffering — their suffering is a sacrifice. And when I use the word 'sacrifice', I mean its original meaning — it is sacred. They are happy doing it — they are not unhappy. They will be unhappy if this situation of sacrifice is taken away from them. No, they are happy. They are called forth… they are ready. They are ready to stake their whole life for it.
Ninety-eight percent of people don't love but they go on thinking they love. They go on creating problems and it is difficult to sort them out because from the very foundation things are missing. You go on creating a structure and the foundation is not there so the building is never made. Or even if you sometimes succeed in making it, it is very dangerous to live in it.
That's why when two persons succeed in love, getting married, they are getting into hell. They have created a building which is very dangerous — it can collapse any moment. It is ready to collapse! Once they are in it, it will collapse. It is going to kill them'
So for three days be very very clear about it — what the case is — and sort things out. And after three days, write a letter to me. But don't say'I am in a mess', because I see that you are not. You want that — it would have been good that you were in a mess — then things are clouded. One doesn't need any decision; what can one do? All over there is fog and one cannot see the road… but I know that you see the road.
My feeling is that deep down you are alert about what is the case, but you are not allowing it — allow it to surface. And after a few days I will see. Mm? Good!
from : Darshan Diary– personal talks…