The desire to love and to be loved….OSHO
MY WHOLE LIFE I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH TWO HUGE DESIRES: A DESIRE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED, AND THE DESIRE TO UNDERSTAND AND BE UNDERSTOOD. TO SEE HOW MISUNDERSTOOD YOU ARE BY THE WORLD AND BY YOUR FRIENDS ASTOUNDS ME, AND YOUR NOT BEING AFFECTED BY IT ASTOUNDS ME EVEN MORE. FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS I HAVE BEEN CONSUMED WITH DESIRE TO UNDERSTAND YOU EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. TODAY I FEEL I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, AND YET MY DESIRE TO BE UNDERSTOOD HAS DIMINISHED. WHEN YOU SPEAK, THE JOY OF BEING BEYOND THESE TWO DUALITIES IS HEAVEN.
The desire to love and to be loved, the desire to understand and to be understood are very instinctive, very natural — but very binding, imprisoning. That's why, even if for a few moments listening to me — if you can forget these two desires, in that transcendence you will find the ultimate in joy.
I have been misunderstood perhaps more than anyone else ever, but it has not affected me, for the simple reason that there is no desire to be understood. It is their problem if they don't understand, it is not my problem. If they misunderstand, it is their problem and their misery. I am not going to waste my sleep because millions of people are misunderstanding me. If I was concerned about being understood they would have driven me mad. But they have not been able to even scratch a little bit.
All their misunderstanding is their problem. They are suffering from it, they are paying for it. Why should I be bothered by it? I have said what I felt is true. I have said it, not to be understood — I have said it because I wanted to share. If they are not willing, it is up to them; I cannot force them.
But both these desires — to understand and to be understood — are together. Unless you understand, you cannot drop the desire to be understood. Once you understand just the simple existence of your being, both disappear. There is nothing more to understand, and there is no question that anybody should understand you.
And the same is true about love.
The moment you understand what love is, you experience what love is, you become love. Then there is no need in you to be loved, and there is no need in you to love. Loving will be your simple, spontaneous existence, your very breathing. You cannot do anything else; you will be simply loving.
Now if in return, love does not come to you, you will not feel hurt, for the simple reason that only the person who has become love can love. You can give only that which you have. Asking people to love you — people who don't have love in their life, who have not come to the source of their being where love has its shrine — how can they love you? They can pretend. They can say, they can even believe, but sooner or later these things are going to… it is going to be known that it is only a pretension, that it is only acting, that it is hypocrisy.
There may not be an intention to deceive you, but what can the person do? You ask for love, and the other person also wants love. Both understand that you are expected to love, that only then can you get love — so you both try in every possible way to take the posture of love. But the posture is empty. And both are going to discover it, and both are going to complain about it against the other, that it is not right. From the very beginning it has been two beggars begging from each other, and both have only empty begging bowls.
Both are pretending that they can give, but their basic desire is to get. If you don't have it, you cannot give it. And those who have it — this is to be understood very clearly — those who have found the source of love within themselves are no longer in need of being loved. And they will be loved.
They will love for no other reason but simply because they have too much of it — just as a rain cloud wants to rain, just as a flower wants to release its fragrance, with no desire to get anything. The reward of love is in loving, not in getting love.
And these are the mysteries of life, that if a person is rewarded just in loving people, many will love him. Because by being in contact with him, they will slowly start finding the source within themselves. Now they know one person at least who showers love and whose love is not out of any need. And the more he shares and showers his love, the more it grows.
The same is true about understanding. If you are close to a person of understanding you will see that he shares; sharing is his joy, it is not his business. He gives wholeheartedly, knowing perfectly well that he will find many doors closed in his face, but his understanding is deep enough to understand these people who misunderstand him.
They are miserable. They are afraid to let his understanding reach them, they are afraid of his light. They start closing their windows and their doors. They are afraid of his presence. They will condemn, they will create confusion, they will create rumors, they will create lies; they will do everything to prevent this man's light, his understanding, his insight from spreading. And the reason is that they are afraid.
This man's presence is a great fear to them. In his presence they become suddenly naked — with all their jealousies, with all their miseries, with all their pain, with all their wounds. In his presence they cannot hide. Before his eyes they are as if before x-rays which will penetrate to their deepest core and reveal all they have been somehow hiding from the society, and creating a certain good image. They are just the opposite within.
I have never been hurt by any misunderstanding. It was part of my understanding that it is going to be so, and once you are free of the desire to love and to be loved, you will love; but it will not be a desire, it will be an overflowing energy. And you will be loved, but it will not be an expectation, it will be a surprise.
Once you understand just yourself and you have gone beyond all kinds of misunderstandings, your light is so clear and bright, your certainty is so absolute, that the whole world can condemn you but it will not in any way hurt you. It will simply create more compassion and more effort to make these people somehow come out of their darkness and see the light.
And one thing is certain that you mention — that once both these desires are calmed down, one feels in heaven. One really is in heaven.
One has always been; it was just that one was getting disturbed by small things and forgetting the immense beauty and joy the whole existence is ready to give to you — and without any price. It is just yours for the asking.