If somebody has died and you are in pain, what do I say to you ? I say: don't ask for explanations. Look at this pain. Death has happened; watch it. It has hurt you deeply; watch it, beware. Be aware, be mindful of how fragile life is, how everything ends. Just see the flux-like phenomenon of life, the momentary dream-like existence.
Just see, and don't try to explain, and don't try to escape, and don't try to avoid, and don't try to get occupied somewhere else. Just look: death has happened, you are sad, great sorrow has happened to you; look into it. And by watching and becoming aware of it, much will be revealed to you. The sorrow, the sadness will disappear — and with it will disappear all attachments, because you will be able to see that all attachment brings sorrow.
It is not the death of your wife that you are sorry for. It is not because of death. If she had been somebody else's wife, there would have been no problem. She was your wife. It is not the question of death that you are troubled with. Some part of your being is snatched away — you had become too attached — you feel uprooted. You will feel a gap in your heart, an empty space.
Watching the sorrow that death brings, you will become aware that behind the sorrow is not death but attachment. And seeing the facticity of attachment, you will relax, you will become a little loose in your attachments. Next time death happens there will not be so much sorrow. And one day comes when death happens and there is no sorrow. You know this is how things are, you have accepted it. You have known the reality of life: that it ends in death. And there is nothing else to do. You have become aware.
OSHO